My online journal.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Confessions of an Angry Mother

Hey kids. Listen, I know sometimes I'm lots of sunshine and roses, but that's not what you're getting today. Today, you're getting blisters and spankings.

Tried out my new shoes on a run this morning (I actually got up at 6:30 to run!!). Mostly because I thought I'd read that "breaking in" new shoes is a myth, and that good new shoes shouldn't cause blisters. Well, A) they're not really that good of new shoes; they're New Balances but definitely bottom-of-the-line NBs. B) Hello, I have owned shoes for at least the last 30 years and I'm pretty sure shoes do, indeed, grow a little softer once you've worn them for a while.

Bottom line: I ran for 20 minutes until a hill kicked my heiney. I could tell I was getting blisters on the back of my heels, so I laced the shoes tighter, thinking that would stop the rubbing. Bad idea. Walking was agony at that point so I unlaced them entirely and was able to sprint the last 2 blocks home in almost no pain.

Got home and found a blister the size of a dime on my left heel. I lanced it, drained it, and MacGuyvered some diaper-rash cream under the blister's roof, using one of Ed's old syringe-like Liquid-Motrin-dispensers. This sounds gross, and probably is, but it was also very cool. I do like to dabble in self-surgery. My right heel's blister was less malevolent-looking, so I just band-aided it and am hoping for the best, or at least for a good science-fair topic: Which Blister Heals Faster?

After lunch, Jayla arrived and all was going well. I put Ed down for nap. I put Jayla down for nap. It was time for Lucy's nap and I gave her fair warning and I closed her shades and she said "I don't want to nap" and from then on it was a nightmare. She didn't want to go potty. Then insisted on going alone -- wouldn't even let me in the bathroom. So she went tinkle and then insisted she had to go #2 too. So she tried the little potty, tried the big potty, tried the little potty again and I was like, I'm sorry, that's it, you are done, we're going to go down for nap and she insisted on emptying out the potty but I said I had to help her (because I don't want tinkle all over my bathroom floor, and I don't think that's too neat-freaky of me, do you?) and she freaked out and was screaming so I swatted her bottom so she slapped my face and I am a horrible mother and then Jayla was screaming too and I was so angry I could spit. I put Lu in her bed and told her I didn't want to see her for 2 hours. She has actually been quiet ever since. Ed, of course, woke up then, too, but I think he calmed down after Jayla left.

Sooo... it's a rough day. I do not believe in spanking, and obviously it wasn't the right thing to do since she just hit me right back. I am really ashamed to admit I did that, but what the heck, I don't want anybody snowed into thinking I don't need a lot of help making it, here. I am really afraid I broke her heart and I desperately want to go in and hug her and tell her I love her (again, because I did tell her before I put her down) but I also desperately want her to nap a little longer. Argh.


CarolSue said...

Confession of Another Angry Mother: Thank you for sharing your story. It makes the rest of us feel a little more normal. :) You are not a horrible mother. And Lucy knows you love her. This is just one, of many, bumps in the road. Anyone who has been fortunate enough to spend any time at all with you can see that your kids adore you.

OH - and I completely relate to annoying repetitions by toddlers in vans. Maddening.

Ellen said...

Excuse me but I have been spanked a time or two and I dare say I turned out quite nicely.

Katers said...

Oh Meg, bad day indeed! That story makes me feel sooo much better! I remember when Izzy was about 6 weeks old, and wouldn't. stop. crying. After about 11 hours straight, I put her in the swing, went to my bedroom and lashed out. I cried and did some serious yelling. I remember saying my life was ruined, questioning my parenting skills (I still do that), and thinking we weren't going to make it.

But what perspective we get with time. Lucy just needed a nap, and probably so did you. Tomorrow will be a better one!

Fat Daddy JG said...

Ellen. Peruvian Hotties doesn't count.

Alison Strobel Morrow said...

Oh girlfriend, I'm so sorry. I've been there, too. I haven't spanked Abby yet, but I sure have yelled, and one night I simply burst into tears when should wouldn't stay lying down in bed and go to sleep. I don't know what it is that snaps every once in a while and throws all my patience and understanding right down the pooper.