I have seen the dark side, my friends, and it is “Love Song Night” on Idol.
I think I miss Ace more than I thought I would. He would often surprise me by being better than I expected… and he was so dang cute. I have mini-crushes on Taylor and Chris, of course, but Ace was like my little brother. Or wait, more like Lew Ford, my Twins boyfriend. I’m sorry I can’t seem to distinguish between a brother and a boyfriend. That’s definitely a little weird. I should probably go in for some counseling. Um… I should probably point out that I don’t have any actual real-life brothers. Nor boyfriends. So that’s good.
Right, so Andrea Bocelli Night. I don’t know, I think Andrea Bocelli is more a product of excellent marketing, than The Most Fabulous Singer in The History of The World. Like, Pavarotti and Carreras and Bobby McFerrin probably have more talent… and what’s with his loony producer guy? I hate him.
But NOT as much as I hated the performances this week. We really reached new heights of suckitude. Or lows, I guess. Mercifully, this will be short., with very little focus on the singing, which was for the most part lackluster at best.
Katharine -- Jean, Joel and I thought she was amazing, fantastic, and a great start to the evening. She even looked like a younger, more beautiful, much-less-creepy Sarah Brightman. Unfortunately, the judges were like a wet blanket. It must have been dreadful live.
Elliott -- Elliott looks like the bizarro-world version of Ryan Seacrest. Like, if you took Ryan Seacrest and punched him many, many times in the head, and dumped him on a desert isle without toothpaste, heel-lifts or a flat-iron, you would wind up with Elliott. Or if you didn’t like that analogy, perhaps you can think of Elliott as the hobbit version of Seacrest. Hobbits are short, curly-haired, pointy-eared and unreasonably chipper, just like our little Elliott. Elliottawhile Yamgee, that would be his hobbit name. Trixies hobbitses!
Kellie -- We decided Kellie sounded like a cassette tape that’s been played about 400 times too many, not unlike my copied version of Billy Joel’s “Storm Front” album, to the point where even though I’ve had the album on CD now for about 10 years, I can’t hear the opening bars of “State of Grace” without thinking they sound a little warped. We got a kick out of Simon’s pronunciation of “warmth”: “whoompf.” It reminded us of better times, and Julie Andrews.
Paris -- Just kind of thought that she was trying to make the song (“The Way We Were“) “bigger” than it actually is. And her looks were sort of channeling Oprah. And WHAT was with the weird breath delivery of that last note? Yaarrgh!
Taylor -- Ouch, man. Joel gave him the heave-ho with the Gronau-patented “yerrrr-out!” sign (ask Joel to show it to you sometime, hey?). And even I’m afraid that performance will be enough to get the Silverback booted.
Galway Dave -- Did you guys catch how they mis-edited the comments of Andrea Bocelli’s producer-guy? He said something like “If [Galway Dave] does a great job, the song will be great for him…” (you know, the usual cloyingly optimistic remarks they give everyone)… except then they cut the sound, but the video played like 1/2 second longer, enough to show him saying, quite obviously, “BUT...” before the video, too, cut away. We are dying to know what he said!
Anyway, a simply horrible night for everyone. Not even to mention all the technical difficulties (judges’ and Ryan’s mikes were on when they should have been off, and vice versa). Let’s just try to forget this ever happened, okay?