My online journal.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Is this how this goes again?

Another three years, another massive swath of life changes.

And yet, nothing's changed. I'm still married. Still residing at the ol' 1619. Still have the two most amazing kids God ever created.

My last roller derby game was in November 2015, almost a year ago. In December I was offered a spot in the St. Paul Fire Academy, something I'd been working toward for a couple years. I quit my jobs at St. Pascal's (I had quit the newspaper and Old Man Energy the previous spring) and cut back my dance teaching, and started the academy at the end of January.

It didn't go very well. I'd have good days, where I felt like I was in the right place... and a lot of bad days. It's too painful to write about in detail, even four months after it ended, but basically it came down to, I couldn't complete the final physical test fast enough. Upper-body strength was all that mattered -- not personality, work ethic, or passing the written tests.

I feel like it's for the best... but the truth is I'm still angry and hurt about it. I'm still processing what went wrong.

I'm glad I'm sleeping in my own bed every night. I'm glad to have every evening, weekend, and holiday with my family. I'm relieved I don't have to put my life in danger. I can't imagine having to maintain the level of fitness that was expected and I'm glad my current job doesn't depend on me keeping up that freakish level of strength. I'm glad not to be wearing and maintaining heavy, wet gear and breathing diesel fumes and listening to blaring sirens all day.

So I'm back in an office job. I'm happy but tired a lot. I like what I do and the people I work with are fine. I'm lucky to be in a flexible, pretty awesome environment where I'm not micromanaged. They let me work from home when my kids are sick. We have beer on Friday afternoons. I get to work out at lunch.

Joel changed jobs too, after 15 years at Securian. Lucy's in middle school this year, at a new school across town. Everything has changed - and nothing is changed. Dust still collects on the ledge above the bathroom sink. I still bite my nails and wash my face with baby soap. All four of us still leave our belongings all over the house. Life goes on. And so, evidently, does this blog. More to come! Maybe!


Chao said...

You've still achieved and achieved and achieved. Don't get down on the physical strength part - it's clear you've got plenty of physical strength to go along with your mental strength. We've got your back, Fanny. Truly.

Meg Gronau said...

Hi Chad! Ha! I really didn't think anybody would be reading this. Oh internet, you wild and crazy thing.

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