Okay, there's laundry to put away, a kitchen floor in grave need of sweeping, a Target trip of which to hide evidence ("Another $75 at Target!??! Damn identity thieves!"), and while one baby is sleeping, the other teeters precariously on the edge of waking up...
But am I accomplishing these tasks? NO! I am blogging! Because you COUNT on me! Because it is my DUTY! My DUTY, dammit!
I was going to post my American Idol reviews, but first I must obtain a promise from Ellen that she will read no farther (because, El, YOUR reviews are coming in the mail and I want you to read them then. Do you think you can manage, El? Do ya?). Okay, then, here goes.
Taylor: Taylor, your violinist looks like a homeless man. Also, I am afraid this song is WAY too high for you. I love you, you weird old man, but tonight you are not good. Bottom Three!
Mandisa: Dear LORD this is going to be a long night. At the risk of sounding like Simon (and is that really a bad thing?), this is a very dreadful karaoke rendition of this song. Oi. And are you actually running out of breath?? Heavens! Make it stop! Bottom Three!
Elliott: Now, you can hardly go wrong with Garth Brooks. I am not sure what's with that shoulder-dip-dance, but this was prolly my favorite performance of the night.
Paris: Pretty good! And you are so cute.
Ace: What are we going to do with you, Ace? You and all your brothers are just too pretty for your own good. If you aren't careful you will be subject to terrorist attack, not unlike the Baldwin brothers in that one South Park episode.
Quick aside: how bad is it to tape the nuk to your baby's mouth? Like, if you know it will make him happy? And if you use that nice, low-tack blue painting tape?
Right.
Oh, and back to Ace: I am fairly certain that he and I have the exact same hairdo. Which does not bode well for either one of us.
Oh, and Ace, you were boring.
Kellie: Two breasts does not a performance make! I would like to see more performing; I don't think she can skate by on looks and nice singing for much longer. Bottom Three!
Bucky: I know I watched his performance... I can't remember a dang thing other than he was wearing a cowboy hat. Isn't country supposed to be his "thang"??
Chris ("Galway Dave"): Pretty good. Unfortunately, also pretty boring. (At this point in the show I was distracted by Lucy's bedtime, though, so that may be part of my problem.)
Katharine: I think she was actually pretty good ... but I couldn't figger out what on EARTH that song was about. You're bringing out the empress in me? You barely get near Everest with me? Or is it one of those spelling songs, like B-I-N-G-O?
And seriously, was that actually Kenny Rogers or was that the MAD-TV guy impersonating him? Whoever it was, was frightening.
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5 comments:
I think it was "..bringing out the ELVIS in me." I had to ask quite a few people, though. And what's with the love note from suspence/Chiara? She didn't even give her Idol predictions!
Okay, I'm completely cracking up, because I have wondered many, many times myself just how bad a mother I would be if I taped the nuk to Abby's face. And actually, your AI stuff made me laugh, too, and I've never seen a single episode of the show in my life.
So hey, let me know if you tape the nuk to Eddie and DCFS doesn't come...
I see you've discovered yet another use for that blue masking tape (which supposedly doesn't tear paint off walls). Twenty-something years ago, I considered using two rubber bands to hook a nuk (has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?) to each of Nicole's ears, thereby keeping that pacifier firmly stuck to her face. My bad. The blue tape, meanwhile, has become one of Will and Owen's favorite pasttimes. When you're 1, things that stick and things to pick are a blast.
By the way, I love your blog. You make me laugh every day. And you're way better than most entertainment/baseball/parenting columnists in the dailies. I think you should syndicate!
Jean: you are CORRECT! I only figured it out after reading some other comments online. Whew. But... what does THAT mean?
NPMIL: wouldn't it be fun to be syndicated? Actually I don't really know what that means. But it sounds like fun! Also, I think it's hilarious that you call yourself "NPMIL" rather than "NNM" (Neighborina Nicole's Mom). :) Cheers!
Well, I figured your noble readers would know "Neighborino Pat" from your shameless promotion of his photography, which is danged good.
And syndicated columnists? They're writers like Ellen Goodman or Mitch Albom or Miss Manners ... whose work is purchased by an agency that sells articles, features, or photographs for publication in a number of newspapers or periodicals simultaneously. Some national syndicates are Gannett News Service, the Washington Post Writers Group, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Creators Syndicate, King Features, Tribune Media and Universal Press. So there ya go.
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