If Ed thinks he is getting up from his nap yet, he is sorely mistaken.

Sometimes I think blogging is a huge waste of time, and sometimes I find it strangely cathartic. Just writing things down, I think, helps.

Eddie is toodling. I think I forgot to mention that. Toodling is what we call it when he walks along holding onto both my hands. It's not so good on my back; I need longer arms (or shorter legs!).

The other night, it must have been Monday because that's the last time I was out of the house, Joel put the kids down in the living room to play while he tackled the dishes. After a while he heard a small crash, followed by Ed whimpering a little. Joel peeked around the corner to see Ed toppled headfirst into the Rubbermaid toy container, with his feet kicking out the top. Lucy quickly got up, saying "Eddie are you okay? I coming, Eddie! I help you! Come here, Eddie!" Apparently she actually helped Ed get out of the toy bin. Of course, as my dad pointed out, she was probably the one who pushed him in there to start with.

Also! Joel wrote me an email yesterday:

To: Meg
From: Joel
Re: Oh Man...

So I get back from playing basketball and the meeting that was going on in the conference room is over. (So, background information: there was a meeting going on in the conference room all morning.) I notice one lonely sandwich in a plastic box just sitting there on the conference table. I walk by slowly eyeing that lonely sammy. Stop... look around... walk backwards past it again to see what other goodies are there. Oh, pop and cookies as well. Hmm.. One step towards the door. Corner of my eye, I see someone turn the corner so I kind of act as though I was reading the invisible flyer on the wall. Luckily, I escape notice. So I just walk back to my desk. Maybe if I walk by in a couple of minutes it will still be there...

Okay I get the guts to walk by... Hmm, it's stilll there. IT'S FATE!!.. Oh no, more people. I walk back and ask Brent. Hey man, is that meeting over? YES!! All right. What do you think about me snagging that sandwich? YES YES. I RUN.. I mean casually walk to the room to claim my rightfully due sandwich. (Note: a couple of people I noticed have walked in and walkedout with things but I cannot tell what they are)

It's still there... Raise the roof. Sweet bos-e-fus!!

So to make a long story short. I ate the sandwich. It was good. I am full and happy.

Love,
Joel

Losing it!

Both kids have colds or something -- they were both coughing much of the night last night again. I have a couple cute stories to post, if I ever have a moment... not happening this morning I tell you what. With the weather (and the kids being under it) we are totally stuck in the house. I don't think they like it either. They're both whiny and clingy and I'm super short-tempered. And Lucy's down to exactly three diapers, so I'm just going to have to go to Target tonight when JG gets home.
We're watching the Laurie Berkner DVD for like the 20th time in 2 days.
Oh man, Ed's whining again. Got to go.
Please email me or call me or something, I'm going nuts...

I wish I was kidding...

I seriously JUST got an email 5 minutes ago saying the show this Sat is cancelled. I am really really sorry about wasting everyone's time and energy. I'm surprised they just found out this morning that they didn't have enough acts for more than 30 minutes... whatever...

typing w/1 hand...

holding ed. he was coughing most of last night. sad sick panda.

--- UPDATE! SHOW CANCELED! JUST LEAVING THE POST FOR POSTERITY! ---
ok so i'm in this variety show this saturday at 7:30 PM at maplewood community center, which is on white bear avenue a few miles north of our house. no, I cannot look up the address for you. tickets are $10; buy at the door.

I'm nervous about this show. We have not had nearly enough rehearsal time. I'm in three dances. A tap, a jazz, and a cha-cha. Joel is in one of them (the cha-cha). Also I may have to sing a song. Alone. Because I'm not sure how many other numbers there are besides my three dances and they might need filler. So... wish us both some serious good luck. Or come to the show and we can all have a good laugh about it later. Like, much, much later. Like, maybe in 20 years or so.

Ok I am totally ignoring my kids so I'd better go.

One bad, one good!

Were you watching the BCS Bowl on TV Monday night? Did you catch the halftime show? Please, please say you were. Because my description is soooo not going to do it justice.

So I think it was the Ohio State marching band who was playing. Joel and I are talking so I wasn't looking at the TV, but the tune sounded familiar... ah! "My Heart Will Go On," of course, the Celine Dion megahit from "Titanic."

And...

Oh, dear.

No.

No, they aren't.

The marching band forms the SHAPE OF THE TITANIC. Spanning probably 70 yards of the football field. Complete with smokin' smokestacks -- I'm not sure if they had dry ice in their tubas, or what. And...

Oh, my.

The other half of the band forms THE OCEAN, waving beneath the, erm, marching ship. And then...

Shut up.

SHUT UP.

I cannot believe I am watching this... NO WAY. The "ocean" holds up a big shiny blue swath of fabric, and the rest of the band (the part that looks like a ship) starts marching forward (downstage, as it were) as though it is SINKING BENEATH THE WAVES.

They march and march until only the smoky smokestacks are still showing, and then they, too, vanish under the blue fabric.
.
.
.

Now, I'm not real sensitive. I'm not easily offended. I'm relatively open-minded and appreciative of art, and music, and artistic interpretation, and all that jazz. I always vote Democratic, except when I vote Independent.

But... seriously?? Well, for one, I haven't laughed that hard in a while. But it was much less of a "wow, that's comedy!" laugh and much more of an appalled and flabbergasted laugh of shock. I mean, something like 1,100 people died on and around that ship. I know it was like 93 years ago, but has that tragedy really been reduced to a bizarre and ill-advised marching-band gimmick? Maybe the performance was of high musical quality, I have no idea, but as a casual watcher I was actually a little horrified. Maybe I missed the emotional and serious prelude to the performance, in which case I apologize to... well, probably Ohio State, unless the Florida State band magically changed their costumes while Joel and I were talking.

As a side note, I have a real soft spot for Ohio State ever since meeting their dance team in college -- they were a very cool group of people.


The good!
I'm not one (I should stop starting sentences that way, it's lame and contradictory) to throw out wild recommendations for childrens' products all willy-nilly and whatnot, but I just love the book When Sophie Gets Angry -- Really, Really, Angry by Molly Bang. It is a very simple but amazing book about a little girl who gets, well, angry, and runs until she is tired and then sits and enjoys nature and then goes home to her waiting family. The artwork wasn't my fave right away but it's growing on me, and the message (Everyone gets angry; how do you handle anger?) has really touched Lucy. For one, she loves saying the title (complete with author name; super cute). For two, Sophie looks more than a little bit like my Lu. For three, the solution presented happens to be exactly what I like to do when I get really, really angry. And for four, it's sparked some actual discussions with Lu about "getting angry" and "getting sad" and what it means and what we do when we feel that way. Lu has the book memorized and I just love reading it along with her. It's been a very cool and unexpected experience and I thank whoever got us the book (because I can't remember now, I am so sorry).

Jan 6 Notes

Hi. It's Saturday night and I thought I was really tired, but I'm writing. Ay-yi-yi!

My dad was here all week for a wonderful visit with us and the kids. He ate all my Christmas cookies (even the "booster batches" I'd made on Christmas Eve) so I had to make a final booster-batch of oatmeal cookies on Thursday... which he also devoured. So just in case there's ever any doubt as to where I got my sweet tooth, I'm pretty sure I've got it figured out. Though Mom likes cookies too, so even if "sweet tooth" were recessive, I suppose I was doomed. :)
The upshot is, I'm out of cookies again, and I think Nicole W's molasses cookies are next in the rotation. If I get any time in the next few days.

Which is unlikely since I'm trying to rehearse three dances for the show on the 20th. Yes, I realize that's less than 2 weeks away. I'm stressing a little.

The kids are great -- I'm kind of starting to wean Ed, mostly because he wiggles and whines and refuses to nurse much... also because we think maybe he continues to wake up repeatedly in the middle of the night because he's not getting enough food. I'm actually extremely dubious about that hypothesis; if you take one look at Ed's cheeks and thighs, you'd probably agree that "hunger" is not one of his problems. I don't know, I'm really ambivalent about the whole thing. I don't have much of a nursing support group; I don't regularly hang with any other nursing mothers, so even though I know who you are it's not like I actually get to sit down next to you and nurse our babies together; it's a challenge, you know? P.S. Ed is 10 months old on Sunday! How did THAT happen?

No major updates from Lu; she remains riotously hilarious and wonderful. We're working on her comic timing; it's coming along nicely.

I got my hair highlighted and it's really... stripey. I thought I liked it until I got a really good look under bright lights this evening and while it does mask the increasingly large gray patches, it's a little bolder than I probably wanted. I'm told it will fade. I'm not holding my breath.

I'm toggling between the Blogger window and an article on espn.com about Justin Morneau. I really wish baseball season was coming sooner than it is.

Well, have a good week!

Mystery gift update!

I keep forgetting I have to UPDATE when I post an unfinished story, or I get harassed. So right after posting the otther day, the kids woke up so I screwed my courage to the sticking place and packed a small tupperware of cookies and walked across the street. Upon arrival on the front step, I noticed the "mystery gift" was nothing but a stinkin' bag of Ice Melt. RATS!

At that point, I'd already rung the doorbell and they were apparently waiting for me because the gal answered right away so we talked a little; her daughter is cute; BLAH BLAH BLAH.

It's a really pretty bag of Ice Melt, honestly.

Oh, man, I just realized I think I actually own binoculars!! I'm an IDIOT!

On mules we find two legs behind and two we find before...

Joel was kind enough to point out to me that I missed some golden opportunities in some of my recent blogging: using, respectively, "All I Want For Christmas Is My 2 Front Teeth" and "Express Yourself" for Ed's recent ventures in teething and breastfeeding. Daaaaang*.

*"Daaaaang" comes from the day Jean and Ellen and Joel and I were trying to go see "The Pirate Queen" downtown Chicago, except we made it to Lakeview (Lake View?) and realized the tickets were still in Rolling Meadows, and I was madly trying to call TicketMaster to see if they had some record of the purchase that would allow us to simply show up at the box office with ID and they could reprint them or whatever, and I got a perfectly nice young TM rep on the phone who was completely unable to help me, not for lack of trying on her part but because, as it turns out, Ellen had purchased the tickets not through TicketMaster at all but right from the box office in a very smart effort to save, like, $340 in fees, and the girl kept entering in Ellen's info into the TM system and getting zero results, and every time (which was about nine times) she would say "Daaaaaang" and it was only funny because we eventually managed to make it back to Rolling Meadows and back to Lakeview and to the crepe restaurant and to the theatre in more than plenty of time.

Omigosh, where was I? Right. HAPPY NEW YEAR! We had an awesome weekend of family fun. We took down the tree and our other assorted (and meager) Christmas decos, we went to Como Zoo, we went to the Mall of America and Ikea (the kids were troopers!) and managed to purchase some wall art and lighting for our living room, we each got brief but much-appreciated naps every day, and we had some family snow-fun in the yard this morning. We got only maybe 3-5 inches of snow on New Years Eve but it was sunny and beautiful this morning, so we bundled up the kids in their ridiculous overstuffed outfits (Eddie in three shades of pink, since we never got around to buying him snow-gear this year) under the pretenses of shoveling. The shoveling did get done, but we spent lots more time making four sizes of snow angels and dragging the kids 'round the yard in the sled. I'm fairly certain it was way more fun for me and JG than for Ed (who was rendered completely motionless by his aforementioned girl-snowsuit) and Lucy (who hates mittens and spent most of her sled-rides scowling and asking for snack).

Thanks to the Crandalls for hosting a family-friendly NYE party -- unfortunately, we arrived late and left early (can't take those kids of ours anywhere!) and rang in 2007 on our own couch, watching the tape-delayed NYC broadcast, which was exceedingly silly. Is that band's name really "Panic! At The Disco"? Is that really what kids are listening to these days? Is it... um... punk?

Big congratulations go out to my pregnant friends Peg and John (due May), Mandy and Shawn (due June), and Julie and Stu (due July, with twins!). I'm so excited and filled with joy and anticipation for all of you.

Two weird-but-true little stories for your reading pleasure

Gift mystery

So the day before we left for Lutsen, our former realtor called, all jolly-elf-like, which didn't fool us because that's exactly how he is... as long as he doesn't have your house listed and it isn't selling... anyway, and he mentioned that he was going to drop off a little gift for us at our house. We returned from Lutsen and found no such gift; however, our Friday newspaper was also missing so we thought maybe both items had just been pilfered from our front steps. Or, we thought, the realtor had simply thought better of driving across town to drop off a present for us. Either way, no great shake.

Except that since then, there has been what appears to be a gift sitting on the top step of the house across the street (formerly known as the Watson abode). It's been sitting there for over a week. People come and go from the house, and the giftlike object remains. I am sooooo tempted to wander over there and take a peek-see. I'm not sure how it got over there, if it is indeed our gift. And I'm not sure why the neighbors have simply left the mystery item on their porch... but we haven't met them so I can't really speak regarding their motivations.

So, should I wait until dark and go peek? Should I go over there under the pretenses of introducing myself? What do you think?


The Marmet Technique

For all my breastfeeding-Naziness, I've never learned to hand-express milk. It's a little too "earthy" for me, especially when Medela makes a perfectly good machine to do the job when necessary. However! My son apparently has Marmet down pat. He finds great joy in unlatching himself and then squeeeeezing... as long as the spray goes delightfully over his head and not right into his eye.

I'm such a housewife!

Okay, I have never done this before, but I was trying to make cornbread, and the cornmeal I had wasn't self-rising, but the recipe I was going to try required it, so you know how they have the company's 800 # on the side of the box, and it says "For questions, comments, or recipes, call..." and I always go "Yeah right! Like I'm just going to CALL and be like 'Hey, I just wanted to comment on your cornmeal!'" ... well anyway I went out on a limb and I DID.

I talked with Regina at Quaker (the phone actually answered "Aunt Jemima" but my cornmeal is like 5 years old so I'm sure there's been some phone-number shifting since then) and she was delightful and helpful and a real person and she gave me exactly what I needed, with no rigamarole or sales-pitchiness and I am SO happy I called because now my cornbread is going to be fabulous and if you get here by 6pm tonight there may be some left!

Also! Jean and the kids and I went to the indoor playground at Woodbury's Central Park this morning. It's a little wild, and somewhat dark, and it will be funner when the kids are older, but we still had a pretty good time and I think we will go there with some frequency this winter. So that's good!

Also! Remember from my Christmas letter how I am having SUCH issues with Craig's List? Well today it has been totally redeemed -- I got rid of a large amount of old computer equipment and it was unbelievably easy and painless. Thank goodness.

Okay gotta get poppin' on the cornbread. Happy Friday!

Silly Kid Tricks

Actual conversation at the dinner table tonight:

Lucy: "Daddy Daddy Daddy!"

Daddy: "I'm sorry, Daddy is talking to Mommy right now."

Lucy: "Meantime, I eat my jubbalos!"

Awesome!

And in The Second Child is Different, Part XIV:
Shortly after learning to put anything in her mouth, Lucy learned that in order to get food in, her nuk would have to come out. She'd see food coming at her face, and dutifully spit out the nuk to make way for the good stuff.

Ed? Not so much. Yesterday I gave him a graham cracker; three minutes later, I checked back, only to find him repeatedly banging said graham cracker on his forehead. Nuk still in mouth. Facial expression just a little... concerned.



A Good Day
Today was just that -- maybe the best one so far, meaning that I didn't groan in agony when I heard the kids stirring from their naps... and meaning that I wasn't counting the moments until Joel walked in the door. The Watsons Three came over for a morning playdate, and we had such a lovely time. There was actually plenty of lunch, prepared in a timely fashion (this is huge, for those of you who don't have toddlers), and as an added bonus, nobody suffered a bleeding head wound. Hurrah!


Heads Up: A Performance!
I am fairly certain I'm going to be performing in an "open mic/open stage" night at Maplewood Community Center on January 20. It's not exactly "open" because we're all planning our acts ahead of time; perhaps "cabaret" or "vaudeville" would be a better description. Anyhoo, you should plan to come! I'm going to be in a few numbers, at least one of which I'll be choreographing. Watch this space or email me for more info.


Apologies Abound
So, in my concerted efforts to be personal and inclusive and not just sign cards "The Gronaus" without even mentioning the persons to whom the card is intended, though, like, if you do this on your cards, it's fine, I know, I'm a Christmas-card Nazi and I'm harder on myself than I am on others...
What was my point? Oh, I accidentally left out some important people. I'm sure they don't even read this, but if you talk to them, maybe you could let them know that I acknowledge and regret my mistakes? Thanks.
Hey Tom and Mary Fuller, I'm really sorry I omitted Patrick from the Christmas card.
Hey Doug and Julie Dahlheimer, my sincerest apologies for omitting Tim from the Christmas card.
There are various other misspellings that I am not going to apologize for, because in some cases I already did and besides there are still some family members who shall remain nameless who keep adding an "e" to "Gronau" even though there is no "e" in Gronau because it is not French, it is German, and "Gronau" means "green meadow," and if it was "Groneau" then it would mean something like "green water" and that is a little disgusting. :) :) :)
I also wanted to thank everyone for the glorious outpouring of cards this year! We have heard from so many people and our mailbox has been teeming with non-junk-mail. It is so very fun.

Happy morning!

Early-morning grandparent update: tooth #4 is in. Poor little dude!

It's a very overcast, dark, gray day here. Trying to decide if we should attempt a trip to a local indoor playground... hmmm...

Can this bleeping year please be bleeping over?

Ed's third tooth made its appearance over the weekend. It is a really large one, top left. His left. He's kind of a grumbly, drooly mess because #4 is right on the brink as well. Can you imagine getting your first four teeth, all within two weeks? It's a good thing he'll never remember this.

Jean, Ellen, Joel and I returned from Lutsen, mostly in one piece. On the 4th run of the first day (Saturday), Jean fell (mostly because Joel fell and she wanted to check on him) on her back onto a very sharp piece of icy snow, and knocked the wind out of herself and cracked a rib. She had trouble breathing and the ski patrol took her in on a snowmobile and then we took her to the ER in Grand Marais. The doctor was hottish (a little scrawny if you ask me, though nobody was asking me) and possibly single, which made the trip far more intriguing... and we only really lost maybe 2 hours of skiing. Jean was having a heck of a time, since laughing hurt the most and when the four of us are together that's just about all we do. She developed a super-scientific method of snapping her fingers whenever she was afraid that our acute hilariousness was in danger of forcing a laugh out of her... it generally worked, until our own guffaws drowned out her pathetic little finger-snaps.

Eddie's crying so as usual this is cut short. Anyway, Jean will be fine, we got some great skiing in, and I think that's it! Oh and I left my entire toiletries bag up there so I have no makeup and no glasses until Joel can choreograph some kind of exchange for the room key I also accidentally stole.

Victor Vito / and Freddie Dasco / ate a burrito / with lotsa Tabasco...

We have new songs in the house. Thank you, Laurie Berkner Band!

Lucy's new favorite food is vegetables. She calls them "jubbalos." She likes to tell Daddy she has "jubbalos in my pocket."

Which is sometimes confusing, because after her bath I usually put into her superfine, prone-to-scramblies hair, some leave-in conditioner, which Daddy and I call "product." As in, you know, hair product. She loves that, but calls it "pocket" too. The other day she was VERY upset because she wanted "pocket" and I was totally baffled.

P.S. I know some of you have gotten your Christmas cards. The rest of you will. SOON. I promise. The list was done in no particular order, so just because your last name is high in the alphabet doesn't mean I did you first.

If you never do get one and you're insulted, just let me know. And then I'll really insult you. No, just kidding.

Comments to the comments!

Okay, so I was so tickled to awaken this morning to FOUR comments from yesterday's post that I am energized to post again!

Went to a jazz dance class last night at Alesso's studio on Grand Ave. Best $12 I ever spent -- the class was challenging but not over my head, the instructor was a sweetie but not afraid to give some really great pointers, I got a great workout, and I got to dance. Hooray!

Oh, so back to the teeth: Ed has now slept until 5 or 5:30 AM three nights in a row. This is big, happy news, people. Awesome. I am a new woman.

And no WAY is the world short on hygienists; I swear, every college-age girl I talk to is going into dental hygienistry. Or wait, maybe it's dental-assisting, is that different? And maybe none of them are graduating. I can imagine, it's super hard. I observe (and experience!) the work they do on my teeth, and I have relatively-decent, occasionally-flossed teeth.

And actually, I'm going to choose "hilarious." Well, this week anyway!

Toasted bread is good

Not to be outdone, Lucy chose this week to start sprouting her "two-year molars" -- the last four teeth to complete her baby set. Fabulous!

Ed also grew his second tooth yesterday. The other bottom one.

In further dental news, I had an appointment this morning and no cavities! Except the hygienist was sick again somy dentist had to do the cleaning. I don't know if he was crabby about having to slum it, or if he's just extra-thorough, or if he's just not used to cleaning teeth, but it was not the most pleasant experience of my life. Although, I was out of the house sans children, so that was a bonus.

So here is what I need: some, like, "housewife shoes" is what I want to call them: something with support for my arches that I can slip on and off. I am walking around my house (which is mostly hard flooring) all day and I don't think it's good for my feet. I don't want a real bulky gym-shoe. Anybody have any thoughts? Oh, wait, like my Crocs maybe! Worth a try.

Ed, I am SO sorry

I also forgot to mention that, at long last, Ed has grown a tooth. It was two days ago. I am a horrible mother.

Oh, bottom right (that's his right, or your left if you're facing him and sticking your finger in his mouth).

Friday afternoon

Hi there.

Please send some *power* to my friend Nikki and her family; her grandfather passed away earlier this week. Also to my cousin Kate, who had surgery and is going through some health issues.

Ed had his 9-month checkup today. He is the exact same height he was 3 months ago. He has gained a normal amount of weight (he's almost 22 lbs) but his head did not grow very much either. The doc says Ed looks okay (like, he doesn't look like a too-short pinhead), and he thinks as long as the trend doesn't continue, it's nothing to worry about. My theory is that Ed's been so busy learning to sit/crawl/stand/cruise/jabber, that he forgot to grow. Either that, or all the jumping has compacted his spine. Just kidding.

Joel's Christmas Wish List

Joel emailed his Xmas list to my family this year. And I present it, here, for your edification:

To: The Ryans
From: Joel
Re: My list

When I was young I couldn't wait for the JCPenny Catalog to come out. I would pore over everything in the catalog and make lists upon lists. There was the wish list. Which, of course, were items that were too expensive and/or I knew my parents would say were just ridiculous, i.e. an actual 4-wheel-drive jungle buggy. It was great; it had nubby tires, rollbar, etc. Which is probably why my mom didn't like it, ghast my son would actually roll onto his head with this thing (Donna maybe didn't understand the concept of the "rollbar." Just kidding).

The A list. This was a list where I couldn't help but get excited that I would get everything, but knowing full well I would (maybe) get 1 item. Usually a GI Joe Guy or a flotilla of GI Joe Vehicles. Maybe that's why I don't know if my name is Joe or Joel. Meg can verify. Also my recollection of serving in any number of uniformed commissions around the world. I'll call it childhood flashbacks. Or I'm just crazy.

The B list. Items I needed, truly appreciated, and wanted. I knew a majority of gifts would come from this list so I tried mixing it up. Socks, underwear, shirts, a Scooby Doo lunch box, switchblade comb, BB gun, Star Wars posters, and a bubble gum dispenser. Is it irony or a potato chip that I actually got a BB gun with which I shot my sister Jamie in the butt and shot up the walls in the basement, cleverly removing pictures from the walls and then shooting where the pictures had been, before returning the pictures to their original location. Only to get busted when we moved out of the house and removed the pictures. I probably would have been better off getting the 4-wheel-drive jungle buggy with the nubby tires and the roll bar. Huh Ma?!?

So with that being said, here is my list:
- Dress Shirt size XL 17-17 1/2 neck 34-35 length sleeves. Hey Jean I wrote Sleeve... Ew...
- Underwear. You may think Ellen's birthday present addition was a joke but it's reality. (Clarifying note: Joel wrapped my sister Ellen's birthday present in a (washed) pair of extremely well-worn hunter-green boxer-briefs. You wish I was kidding.)
- Dress Socks. I'm good on sport socks this year. Black, Beige, designs are welcome as well.
- Electricity tester. I lost mine for some reason. It just lights up if there's electric current to the wire. They're pretty cheap.
- Sport shorts. Knee length, solid manly colors yet slimming and smooth.
- Sliding shorts. Mine have a huge hole in the crotch. I really do give my unmentionables a workout I tells ya. Or Maybe it's...Unmentionable??

Hey was I supposed to comment after every item?? I'll stop.

- Caribou Coffee GC
- Long sleeve white or gray undershirts. For softball, or outside insidewear. Fine if it's a little tight I gotta show the guns off.
Sorry about the comments, I forgot.
- Bologna.. er no. Cologne, I'm out.
And a partridge in a pear tree....Love ya all.
Fat Daddy JG

Leading by example

So I'm checking my friends' blogs, and... nary an update for wayyy too long. And then I realized, I have been even worse about writing recently. Well it's HARD! My new job doesn't come with regular breaks!

Okay, so also I'm trying to write my stupid Christmas letter. "But Meg!" you say, "You don't have to write a Christmas letter! I don't write a Christmas letter, and I manage to sleep at night! I'm a good person!"

To which I would respond: Think again, buckaroo.

I do like providing the complete package in my Christmas card (which, by the way, is probably why I didn't send any out last year): 1. photo of the whole family, 2. letter, and 3. something short and handwritten. I have a rating system for Christmas cards, not unlike my rating system for weddings. It's a system. It's very scientific, and I would be delighted to regale you with it at some point in the future. If you buy the coffee.

Speaking of coffee! I have a story. I'm going to fudge the chronology of it because it will be funnier this way (I think), also because it all happened in the middle of the night so, you know, minutes feel like hours and all that rot. But I assure you, there will be no exaggerations, nor stretchings of the truth. These are the facts.

Thursday night: I played volleyball with a team I am sometimes on, but usually not, in Apple Valley. Afterward I helped Jean with her arts-and-crafts project for work and returned home around 11:30 PM. Joel was, to my dismay, up with Eddie, who'd been crying intermittently. I took out my eyeballs, nursed Ed, and retired to my bed around midnight.

12:45 : Lucy is crying. Joel goes down and apparently she is inconsolable, because he brings her back up to bed with us. She has never slept in bed with us, and this night is no exception -- except that on previous occasions of never sleeping in our bed, at least she wasn't physically in the bed at the same time. So she's wide awake, wiggling, wrestling our pillows, wringing her bankie, flipping and flopping and causing great disturbance. I'm wide awake too, and at 2:30 she says something like "Mommy, my bed" and I take her downstairs and retuck her in, resing "mommy's song" and rekiss her little nose. I return to bed.

3:30 : I awaken and open my eyes to the sight of a little blond head staring right at me. "Lucy!" I say. "I go downstairs!" she replies, proudly (she has "up" and "down" confused). "I need water." She says. So down we go again.

Joel follows. He can't sleep, he claims, and rightly assumes that I won't let him watch "Cops" in our bedroom at 3:30 AM when I haven't had more than 30 minutes of sleep yet. Something about the constant siren background music to that show, I don't know, call me crazy, it's not conducive to sleep.

About 15 minutes later, I hear thumping and, um, maybe jumping? And a little crashing and for sure some stage-whispered obscenities. Well, one stage-whispered obscenity, repeated. Joel saw a mouse. I come running downstairs (again) and sort of watch as he sets six traps up in the living room. I go back upstairs and 20 minutes later the various mouse-viewing noises start up again. He caught one! He asks if I want to see it. I politely decline, but peek a little as he carries it by. It was bigger than I expected and had a longer tail. But it was still relatively small. If there is one thing I am grateful for, it is that my husband is not the type to pick up a dead mouse and then waggle it in my face, or fling it at my head, or put it under my pillow.

I'm having 17 people over for Christmas dinner next weekend. Any brilliant thoughts on how, exactly, we're all going to eat? Where are the people who lived in this house for 52 years --
I want to talk to them and see how they did it (even if all they did was avoid hosting Christmas for 52 years). Because, I'm telling you, it's not going to be pretty.